I miss you like crazy ...

I dreamt about you last night

.. In my dream, you appeared clearly and you were talking about work or sth like that. But I listened to you very closely, heard that rhythm of your voice ....

I want you to come back tonight..

Accident in a traffic jam

I've just got a small accident this morning with a car!!! But it didn't make me frightened or shocked because it happened "gently" in a traffic jam :)

The car and my motorbike turned on the left at the same time and went forwards simultaneously. For we only had a narrow space on the road, my wheel hooked into the car's wheel :S

Still sitting on the bike, I used my right hand to push my bike away from the car.. but I was unable to do it. Then I quickly went down off the bike and tried once more ... People around saw me...and did nothing!!! I heard a male voice telling that "It's hooked already!" Luckily, the car driver understood the situation and also drove the car backwards. After few times pushing my bike back and forth, I had made my wheel separated from the car. When I was running back on the road again, I thought of my calm and the indifference of people around ..

At the end of my way to work this morning, once again, another car was going to hit me straightly ...in few seconds... just because the driver was looking at another direction ... :D

I was dead in my dream this early morning!!!

Yesterday, I started my film editing project for my company from about 1:30pm(right after coming back from office and having lunch) until more than 11:30pm (I have every Saturday afternoon off). I was fond of the job and so concentrating on it that I forgot having dinner on time. Until my stomach rang its bell and asked me to full it immediately, its the time I felt blur in my eyes and some stars in my sight. I got a great headache and couldn't stand it.

Then I had to relax some time for my own health: eating dinner and having a bath...

After trying to make use of my remaining energy of that day, I fell into a tired and deep sleep... suddenly woke up at early morning, about 4:00am, I couldn't go back to sleep any more .. That was so abnormal because I always fall to sleep very easily ... until about 6 o'clock or more.. (I guess that)...

... I found me going to be dead soon so I told my sister that bad news. Then, if I remember clearly, I died right after telling her. After being dead, I could still feel the taste of the death and see it came so simply and peacefully.. I saw myself lying in a bed and there was a slight cloth like a towel or a thin and short blanket covering me at that time. I came next to myself and gently covered my own .. to feel I was getting cold gradually from my head .. and to make me warmer...

It's the time my sister go to work (to school or something like that), she left the door closed but unlocked. Maybe my sister didn't want to lock me alone inside the room but I thought that it would be unsafe for the thieves might come when I was not able to fight them. However, she still left the door like at the beginning...

Staying alone in the room, I just suddenly thought of all words I hadn't had a chance to say to my beloved family. I regret that I had talked to them already and worried that it's so late then. So I tried my best, use all my remained energy of my life to wrote down each word, step by step. Although I couldn't show my expression in beautiful shape, but I did give them the two words "Thank you" deeply from my heart... Starting from "My dear parents, my dear brother and sisters, and my dear nephews and nieces ..."

The death reminded me a wish to be burned when my life goes over ... My bone powder would be scattered over a blue sea ... and ... a wish that I could be covered by someone I love ... right at the time my soul flies up to the heaven ... I would be much warmer and never feel the coldness any more...

And You.. Would you come to visit me each year after my death?

I gonna leave ... Is that true?

Yesterday, I went to Saint Paul hospital to check how my backbone is going on after 12 years of operation. On Tuesday, an old doctor there gave me an appointment from 14:00 to 16:00 on Thursday to have the consultation held by many related specialists in this field. My sister and I came to the hospital right at 13:50 and after going around, we were instructed to go to the right place to meet right persons. There, one of them said that we should wait until 16:00 'cause it would be the time they hold the consultation.

Although I got a cold before and felt not very well then, we must be patient more to wait ... sitting on a chair under the blue sky ...

Finally, it's time for us to go up stair but still have to wait a little more to be called ... More than 16:00, a doctor told me to go inside.... They invited me to sit down..

D (Bone Dept Manager): Why do you want to check your health this time?
N (Nightingale): Yes, I wanna check my backbone regularly after the surgery 12 years ago, and because my right leg become weaker and weaker ...
D: Come here ... standing in front of me and turn your back on me.
...
(When the doctor finished watching my backbone, I just stood there and answer their questions. Suddenly I heard another cold and hard voice behind me: "Sit down, ok? That's your seat!")
D: Ok, by seeing the X-ray image, I advise you to have one another surgery to remove the steel frame ... The reason is that after 12 years, my backbone has become steady and now the frame turns to be redundant.
N: Will that operation be dangerous for my health?
D: Why do you think its dangerous?
N: I don't know ... (much about health relating knowledge but I just simply think that doing surgery on backbone is dangerous as we do on human brain)
(The hard voice once again interrupted me and said: You don't know then you have to listen to the one who knows it. He is telling you what you should know!!!)
D: I can insist that it will have 1/10 the difficulty of the first when the previous doctor put the frame into your body.
N: Could I ask you one question?
D: Yes
N: If I wont take the surgery in the future, what will happen? Will I have to use the wheelchair to move around?
D: Who told you that?
... (I started to feel the tears running on my face ... )
... (The doctor stopped talking ... and I heard someone ask if I had any family members coming with. The one they wanted to comfort me at that time was the one they refused to let her come in the room with me at the beginning.)
D: Who told you that things? Now we have to move the steel frame, and by the time the wound of the surgery heals, we will be able to take the MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) to see clearly what is happening in your body. I am not sure about the steadiness of your backbone some years after this operation but the operation might stop making your leg weaker even by some physical exercises.
D: Are you clear?
N: Yes...
D: Now you should have your decision about it...
N: ... (Gave thanks to them in tears and walked out of the room ...)

How could you leave your baby?

Yesterday, on my way back to my rented flat by the West Lake bank, I met a young woman who intended to suicide. I heard from a passer-by that she left her baby on the bank then jumbed down into the water. Fortunately, people around there saved her life and when I went over, just saw her cried out load and said that why people didn't let her go ...